Cut the Clutter: Revising for Concision and Voice

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English Language Arts · English 9-12
SP-ELA912-020 · Free to print and use in your classroom · substituteplans.com
Page 2
Cut the Clutter: Revising for Concision and
Voice
English Language Arts · English 9-12 · Grades 9-12 · 50 minutes
Time needed
50 minutes (one class period)
Prep
Copy the 2-page worksheet (one per student). Write the revision tips on the board.
Technology
None.
Student
independence
High. Individual work with a short partner share.
Copies to make
One 2-page worksheet per student
Materials
Pencils, Worksheet, Whiteboard or chalkboard
Goal for today: Students will revise wordy sentences to be more concise, change passive sentences to active voice
and rewrite flat writing with specific, vivid details.
Before the bell
☐ Copy the worksheet, one per student (2 pages).
☐ Write on the board: 1) CUT repeated ideas (past history, free gift). 2) REPLACE long phrases with short ones
(due to the fact that → because). 3) ACTIVE voice: who does the action comes first. 4) SPECIFIC details beat
general words.
☐ Write this example on the board: WORDY: “Due to the fact that it was raining, we made the decision to stay
inside.” TIGHT: “Because it was raining, we stayed inside.”
☐ Keep the answer key on your desk.
Say this to start
Good morning! Today you are editors. Good writers revise by cutting extra words and making sentences clear and
strong. Short does not mean boring. It means every word has a job. You will fix wordy sentences, practice active voice,
and then make a flat sentence come alive. The board has all the tips you need.

SubstitutePlans.com
English Language Arts · English 9-12
SP-ELA912-020 · Free to print and use in your classroom · substituteplans.com
Page 3
Run of show
Minutes
What you do
What students do
0–5
Take attendance. Hand out the worksheet and read the
directions aloud.
Look over the worksheet.
5–12
Read the four revision tips and the wordy/tight example on
the board aloud. Ask, “What did the tight version cut?”
Take two answers.
Listen and answer.
12–22
Tell students to complete the matching (questions 1–5) and
multiple-choice questions (6–7).
Match wordy phrases to short ones and
answer the questions.
22–35
Tell students to revise sentences 8–11. Walk the room and
point stuck students to the tips on the board.
Rewrite each wordy sentence so it is
shorter and clearer.
35–44
Tell students to complete questions 12–14 (passive to
active and a voice rewrite). Then call a timed 6-minute
revision of question 15, the 60-word paragraph.
Change passive sentences to active,
rewrite a flat sentence, and cut the
paragraph.
44–50
Ask two or three volunteers to read their revision of
question 15 aloud. Then collect all worksheets and place
them in a stack for the teacher.
Share if they wish. Hand in the worksheet.
If things go wrong
• If students say shorter sentences are less sophisticated, tell them clear writing is stronger than padded
writing. Precise vocabulary is welcome.
• If a student is not sure whether a cut changes the meaning, tell them to read both versions aloud and
compare.
• If a student has trouble with active voice, suggest putting the person or thing doing the action at the front of
the sentence.
• If a student finishes early, use the early finisher list.
Early finishers
• Write a wordy sentence of your own and trade with a partner to cut it down.
• Find a sentence in your own writing from another class and revise it to be tighter.
Support and challenge
• Support: Let students do the matching and questions 8–10, then pick one of questions 12–14.
• Challenge: Ask students to cut the question 15 paragraph to 20 words or fewer without losing its meaning.

SubstitutePlans.com
English Language Arts · English 9-12
SP-ELA912-020 · Free to print and use in your classroom · substituteplans.com
Page 4
Notes for the teacher (you fill this in)
Jot a few lines before you leave. A full Daily Sub Report is in the free Sub Survival Kit at SubstitutePlans.com.
How far the class got / what to pick up next:
Students who were especially helpful:
Anything the teacher should know: